A Landscape Irresolute

   

I am in S. Lake Tahoe today, my folks took their vacation here so I could spend a few days with them. It is good to see them and recieve their love, although I never felt it to not be present, it is nice to see their faces non the less. I was talking with my best friend and soul mate Zoe today telling her I was going to write a blog but I hadn't a clue what I should write about, feeling rather uninspired to write the past couple of days, maybe due to space from the trail, she told me "it will come to you as you need it to" I believe that to be true with writing, so forgive me if my thoughts are a scrambled mess for this is what came to me in this space and time. I shall tell a bit about the last section. First of all I would like to address California as an oversized, dynamic, garden of eden. A landscape irresolute as any, an unfolding carpet I walk it seems to be. I watch the granite land turn to that of volcanoes, metamorphic spires burst forth from the meadowy mountains. Mules ear and sage brush cover the sides of these high desert mountains. The walk from Yosemite to Senora pass was a dynamic walk, the ups and downs plenty, the landscape unfolding new in every step, and bugs...plentiful. Now give me a moment to rant about this nuisance of an insect we call mosquitos, I was eaten alive every day for a week by millions of these little guys, I did 27 plus miles a day, you cant stop or they will try and kill you... seriously they want to bleed you dry! I would hop in my tent upon getting to camp, a deep breathe of relief, they would wait on the screen of my tent outside, waiting for the morning when I would have to come out, they dive bomb me from all directions with vicious anger attacking every little piece of flesh exposed. I need a very pursuasive essay to convince me that mosquitos have a specific, irreplaceable purpose on earth, and that we shouldnt iradicate every last one of them. I heard many stories of hikers breaking down in tears while being attacked by mosquitos, these are people who have indured the desert heat, trekked through the ups and downs of the high sierras, eaten the filth we call food out here day after day for months, and all of that easily more tolerable than this insect. Okay I believe I am done with  my rant about this horid creature, and those days are over...I hope...Dear God I hope!
     I walked this last section with a new friend, John a very British man with a very British, halarious sense of humor. We came into Truckee (mile 1160) Tuesday dirty and tired, we decided we should probably split a hotel room considering our rank smell, highly recognizable when in enclosed places such as the cafe we stoped in upon ariving to town. We discovered the cost of the hotels in this area to be too high for our budget, we were on the stroll to the cheapest of them, still considerably high for us, we bumped into a lady to ask for directions she looked at us...or maybe smelled us and asked "Are you guys looking for a room for the night?" yeah we are headed to the hotel down the road I replied. "I have two extra rooms and bathrooms at my house if you guys would like to save some money and come stay with me and my husband, I have a meeting then we can head there if you guys would like" she said. I told her we would love to come. I was in total disbelief of this perfectly aligned meeting, we could I looked at john smiled and said "the universe provides" John laughed and said jokingly "maybe mate". We went to Jen and Gregs house, had a glorious shower after 12 days without, a steak dinner, and some good conversation with new friends. I am in constant thankfulness for people like Jen and Greg, people who believe in doing good in the knowing that they will be shown good just as they have given. I will go back to the trail again tomorrow, leaving my family for another few months, there is no abscense of love when there is separation, love is not bound to the physical presence, love excedes all bounds, this I have come to believe in more fully on this walk. May all of you be rooted in that which you love, and followed by that which is good.

- Sagi

Salty air!

I sit in the passenger seat, checking again the reality of my situation, i'm a long way from the trail, only by the kindness of others have I gotten here, will I get a lift back?, I must go to the ocean, but man... Im so far from the trail, what am I doing, i've totally lost it, but I must go to the ocean (I convince myself once again), I need some new air to breath for a few days, so i go! Again and again I experience the good of life, I believe more than ever that people are good, the world is beautiful, the universe provides when we agree to let it do so. I sit at the ocean, eight hours away from that old dusty trail, I agreed to give myself to this experience, allowing the time to run a few days, reflect on the trail thus far, breathe some salty air. The ocean sent me loose, a lover of land adrift at sea, staring at the water, viewing the ocean life with new eyes, looking back at the rock I call home. Feeling separate, unattached to land, the way the sea warriors must have felt hundreds of years ago, brave but vulnerable. My life in constant transition through conditions, operating the present. I sit, squinting dumbly at the ocean, admiring the power of the sea. I admire the waves also, existing with their opposite, the roll and the break, I see myself in this motion. The physical in me striving for self preservation, the spirit wanting nothing more than to give and return to what is of the spirit. The balance returns to me with rocks between my toes, standing in the breeze, the ocean bringing me its tidings, I return to my breathe, the acceptance of inhale, the thanking, the returning of exhale. I have realized in my time this summer that I fall in love with that which wrecks me, that which destroys my assumptions, sending me adrift in thought. I find God in these places, I've become a seeker of these places that bring me here, floating in thought. I sat here today trying to see the world in full, looking at the giant muddy pit we were thrown into, we're all caked in it, head to toe, sharing in all of it, and its beautiful, and purposeful, necessary I would also add. The energy, the transitions, the intimate, the good, the bad and the ugly, it all exist, apart of that same wave, the wave existing with both a roll and a break, the coinciding of it all. We have mixed dimensions, we re arrange and root ourselves to each as we wish, some hold more closely to one than the other, a fluctuation of natures. We aim to fulfill the needs of each, allowing each its rightful due, seeking to feel balance amidst the opposites. I listen to the ocean, I understand it's not the visual stimulation alone in these places, the ocean looks as the ocean does, the mountains look as mountains do, this physic exist with its other, and the sounds, the energy, the breeze, the life force of this ocean, mends the deepest disconnect of my being. I leave the ocean with new light today, new eyes, a new understanding of the path I go back to, some beautiful new friends to hold dear, experience's to reflect upon and be thankful for. Thankfulness, that I have been provided for and blessed continually by that which is good. There is nothing I must say about the trail or specifics on anything in specific, I have my memories, experiences and these I will hold to, I will say that goodness is exuded from these mountains, just as it is from the ocean, and just as it is from spirits of the people I have come to love out here. I read this quote written in sharpie on a bathroom wall, it perfectly aligned. 

"No one tidies the unkempt forest floor, or trims accord the ungainly trees, the only is that of nature, a silent harmony, into which man must fit himself" - unknown

-SAGI 

The promised land!

Sitting in the looney bean in Bishop, Ca one of the towns just east of the sierras. I am in the sierra's now!!!! I call it the promised land, it feels as so after that long 700 miles in the desert. It was quite the moment for me stepping out from behind some cedars in to the most beautiful Sierra meadow, our first day in golden trout wilderness completely wrecked me.  I became a tiery eyed little kid again, in awe at the place that surrounded me. I would say to anyone who hasn't experience the sierras, do it, it is magic! That night I laid my head on the most beautiful sunset, I felt nurtured and at home. The next day, I walked in to a world of ancient cedars twisted, branches reaching up, I had a conversation with one, he reminded me that I am an expression of the earth just as he, I reach and grow towards some thread of light to which I find. Also that time is not a matter of ticks but that time too is an expression, time is art. Mt Whitney the tallest mountain in the lower 48 showed me the most amazing sunrise, a sunrise I had been thinking about since watching the sunrise from a church parking lot near my home in TN. I woke at 2 a.m, ate a snickers bar and headed up the mountain 8 miles and 4,000 feet later I was laying in my sleeping bag looking east to my home, looking at the same sun as my loved ones. The walk up was beautiful, the Milky Way stretched across the sky, shooting stars would catch my attention every few minutes, then slowly the stars disappeared back into their galaxies, the cliffs surrounding me exposed their faces as day crept in, I had an out of body experience walking as if to step away from my body and re assess my reality...could have been the altitude. I climbed up and over forester pass, one of the most beautiful and highest pass in the sierras, you climb up between the pass and a beautiful canyon opens up, kings canyon, too many kings to crown. I imagined the glaciers moving through here, carving the granite and leaving the stones scattered around the meadow. Deer graze in the meadow, they look at me startled then realize I am only one of those humans who walk that strange trail and continue eating. I barely had enough food for this stretch because I wanted to stay in certain areas longer and found myself laying unable to pull myself away from the moving water or green meadow I had been dreaming of for many moons. I shall carry more food this next 115 miles to Mammoth! See the sierras, just do it, you won't regret it! 

BE well! 

~SAGI

The wind

Today is a good day, yesterday restored my faith once again in beings. I never lost faith, I am just continually reminded of how giving and loving people naturally are. As I write this in a little German bakery in Tehachapi, having my morning coffee I prepare myself for the next six days to Kennedy meadows, reflecting on the kindness I've been showed by this beautiful desert, looking Forward to my last little stroll in the wind and dust. We got in to Tehachapi yesterday, coming in was intense, 60-70 mile per hour winds, I feel I know a little closer how it feels to be a bird, surrounded by the dwarfing wind turbines, looking off the mountain at the desert floor we could see dust tornados spinning around. Pensive... I believe is the mood the desert has showed me, I enjoy my dwelling in this state, it has taught me much. I have had this idea or rather question lately I have asked a few friends, if you have a white box in front of you endless and vast is the inside and you can create the environment within this box before placing yourself within it, what would that look like? The answer has never seized to amuse me, I find everyone's answer to be an unveiling of what resonates with their being, it's beautiful to visualize and explore their environment. Try this exercise if you wish, I think you will find it useful. I met a guy named Daniel yesterday who was taking hikers around town and restocks the water cache in the mountains, he showed me a picture of a beautiful cabin in the mountains he built that was burnt in the wildfire, he called it his sanctuary, he told me that when he goes and stocks the cache up in that area he sits there and imagines himself home again, he seems to have found great peace in this. Whether he knew it or not, what he had said had showed my his white box, I learned a lot from Daniel in the thirty minutes we talked and I believe to be better from the conversation we shared. I don't know if I must share anymore today, I am still in reflection of the past and present. I am so thankful, I am thankful to be breathing, to be feeling, to have been spoken so directly to by people, to have seen the stars align. I bow to the mother and the father in gratitude for their continual giving. 

~SAGI

5/23

Good vibes all around, Aqua Dulce (mile 454) has received me well. Today is full of thankfulness due to the fact that two of my truest friends join me today, I shall kick the dust to Canada with them. Yesterday I wrote a long and detailed blog and of course my phone died and I no longer have those words. So this will be a short and half sweet rundown of my past week. The trend this last section seems to have been very up..down..up..down, along with the avoidance dance to maneuver around the nasty poodle dog bush, it sounds cute but I have heard horror story's of the reaction to this bush from past hikers. My hand grazed a bush, I became a hypochondriac for a day due to the story I heard about a guy's hand being nearly amputated from a reaction. Whether this story is true I can not speak for but I still have my hand...I still have my hand, thankfulness be to this! I spent a lovely day in Wrightwood, complete with banana bread from my mother, which was the motivation for hiking 24 miles before 2:30 to get to town. We layed in the grass and ate two loafs in almost one sitting, hiker hunger has kicked in! Did my longest day yesterday, 36 miles, we did some night hiking under the waxing moon, the contrast of the moon light on the mountains was magic. I should share some philosophical thoughts I am contemplating but that will have to wait until next blog, I may say that I exist and being in this element gives a whole new light to that existence. The desert is painted with magic, communion is true, I am alive and well!
May green be the grass you walk on
May blue be the skies above you
May pure be the joys that surround you
May true be the hearts that love you
~Sagi

5/13

Today we are in Big Bear City, we are at a trail Angel's house named "Papa Smurf" and "Mt Mama". They are a beautiful couple helping out hikers however they can, it all started when they picked up a hiker hitching to town last Memorial Day, they decided to start opening they're house up to hikers and now they serve almost 20 a night, meals and all. It's pretty incredible to have such support from people who have never even hiked the trail, they just believe in what your doing and want to help you do it. "Trail magic" is true magic! The first day out of Idyllwild we climbed San Jacinto, it was a foggy day in the mountains, we got to the top of the mountain above the clouds and laid in the sun, ah the sun after two days of rain. We stayed at trail angel "Ziggy&Bear's" house, we soaked our feet in hot water while eating ice cream...what a rough life we live! Trail angels leave surprise soda/water cache's in random spots along the trail, we enjoyed a Shasta soda under interstate I-10 bridge, and better understood why hobo's dig bridges. The cache we found saturday had a recliner on top of the mountain, we managed to fit four dirty hikers on it and watched the sun set. If all this to say, I have been showed nothing but complete kindness from the trail and people in support of this trail. On top of San J peak I had this feeling of being a foreigner, "to review this all as a foreigner",  I wrote in my journal. To wake up each morning in the realization that everything you will experience that day is a completely foreign reality, there is great zeal in this realization. I have been asked if there is any sort of revelation to which I could attest. I may say that revelation is taking place, not in the form of language or any such thing I can explain but in perception. I can say I am in adoration of the people and environment I am with, and for this perception which was not found, but rather unveiled, I am thankful. It is important to realize that these realizations lie not only to people given my opportunity but to everyone, in every walk of life. I do nothing different from any other person, I wake up, I eat, walk, eat, use the "bathroom", walk, eat, sleep, it is all the same but to notice each action as something Devine, you are the breathe of life. These places only make you realize that the day to day process is not the point, it is in what manner you choose to repeat this human routine. 

    I must get food and get walking again, it is a beautiful day for a walk, I wish happy trails to all of you! 

Lovingly,

-Sagittar 

5/6

Today I am in Idyllwild, Ca, a cozy little town nestled in the mountains, staying in a room with showers and a sink, a bed, a couch, three good friends, it's too much, I don't know what to do with myself. The mountains are thick with fog and rain, so it is a much welcomed change of pace. The past few days of my walk have been beautiful, the mountains are flourishing with wildflowers, the giant pines continually make me stop in my tracks to acknowledge their size, I tell them thank you for enduring so long so I may enjoy them. We've been in the San Jacinto wilderness, I did a 26 mile day yesterday into the mountains, I hardly noticed due to my amusement with the surroundings, a truly Devine place. The people I am surrounded with out here are beautiful, full of love, and a true love for these wild places, everyone's continually helping each other however they may. I am feeling a since of community here I have yet to experience, a true trail family. I am overcome with thankfulness everyday I wake, to be able to immerse myself in living this way, I am realized not everyone is in a place in life to be able to do so, I count it a blessing. I go to bed at night close to the mother, my feet covered in the dust, a blessed meal in my stomach, an open sky above me, full of constellations, I have all I need.
-Sagittar

4/30

I am in the beautiful, friendly town of Julian today (mile 77.7), filled with big burritos and free pies for PCT hikers. I have had the most amazing time the last couple of days, starting to get in the groove of things, becoming really comfortable out here. I've been hiking with a few good dudes, Veggie, Mehap, Ethan, we make a good group for the time being. My trail name is Saggitar, I dig it, the trail names are a beautiful way to remember people.
The train must decide the tracks are unimportant, staring at the tracks gets dizzying, we must look at what surrounds us. I was reading something along those lines in a book of mine and it became very apparent, that is what I must do to remain sane on this trail, seeing there is still 2,600 miles ahead of me. It can be rather disorienting, but to acknowledge what surrounds, to observe, is the key to remaining here, to remain now. The communion out here is lovely and very alive, because we are in such an intimate setting it allows you to see a truer side of people, you're instantly aware the walls have fallen. I am getting ready to return to the desert heat, stoked for the next few days to Warner Springs. So long Julian, your beautiful pies made me incredibly happy.

Om mani padme hum
-Sagittar

P.s- Everything is funnier in the desert

4/24/13

The sun waved goodbye in the most appropriate, beautiful way yesterday, as if it were saying "you will be nearer tomorrow, see you then my friend." the monks bald head dipped into the clouds, the orange exploded then vanished. I couldn't quit smiling and laughing, what a perfect gift. I said my goodbye's today or rather see you soon's to those I love. I took my last look at the brilliant collage of green in Nashville. I read the many letters I was given last night, I counted each word as a blessing, I packed my bag and I boarded a plane, I realized the second the plane left the ground life was getting ready to change, I parted with Nashville, I felt deep peace in this. I've felt in deep meditative state since leaving, very calm, focused.
I will arrive in San Diego at 6 pm and be picked up by a trail angel named pea A.K.A "Girlscout". Tomorrow at 7:30 AM I will be at the southern terminus looking north, trying to ignore the number in between, rather, today I will go for a beautiful walk, just repeat that for 5 months. I have no idea of what this will be like, but I believe in this path, that is what I know.

Blessings,
-J.R.Y

PCT 2013

One week from today I will be standing on California dust looking north, visualizing the in between, I am sure it will be very surreal, it is already surreal. Vivid dreams of walking the Sierra passes, crushing orange sunrise's in the desert, come to life while I sleep, dreams to be fulfilled. I remember 5 months ago talking with my friend Demetria about doing the Pacific Crest Trail, as I talked to her my vision started to come alive, it became very clear that it was important I do this walk, a moment so certain it has led me to this past five months of planning and now of watching that dream come to life. I talked my best friend's Matt an Alec into draging their bodies 2,650 miles, it wasnt too hard..they were itching to get out of TN aswell. So they will meet me 300 miles in, (Wrightwood area), and we will be hiking the rest together. I will start alone on april 25th, cant believe that is a week away, it is a much welcomed change. The famous question's "Dont you know we have roads now" ive heard a dozen times, "but theres bears out there" has been said innumerably. I guess it has become natural to get in 80 MPH bullets daily to drive to work, in hopes no one makes a bad move while texting on the highway. We are far removed from the natural state of things, so far, we cannot precieve what it is even like. Nature has always proved sustaining, giving, loving to me in the past, mother nature very much a mother.
      I have been asked why I should leave home to walk the country on the PCT, I answer jokingly, "for lack of anything better to do", but in pure it is to become a better person, to experience my Self, to be patient with my shortcomings, to go beyond, and in terms be a more fluent being. I recall a time while hiking the beartooth mountains in Montana where I became flooded with love for my family, I had the most beautiful words for each of them, I said them aloud to my self while walking, in hopes they somehow recieved them. Nature has revealed parts of my Self I would have remained unaware about without these experiences. So this my intention for this trip, to rediscover those parts of my Self, overflowing with love for all/whom that surrounds, let this Be.

To all who read these words, thank you for your love, I am very aware of it.
-J.R.Y

“All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. ... Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.” 

-Carlos Castaneda